Smoothie Vibrating Silicone Dildo

Johnny Silicone Dildo

Silky Bendable Elastomer Dildo

Blaze Glass Dildo

Tentacle Silicone Dildo

Stallion Silicone Suction-Cup Dildo

Dryad Wooden Ergonomic G-spot Dildo

Scorpion Metal Dildo

Suction Cup Jelly Dick

Inflatable Rubber Dildo

Nexus Silicone Double Dildos

Mmmmm.

We do love our dildos here at Blowfish, a fact that you probably figured out within about six seconds of browsing our Website. Dildos are probably the oldest type of sex toy in history, and with good reason--they offer flexibility and freedom, a liberty from the limitations of human flesh. Sure, penises and fingers are wonderful things to fuck with; we love them both and wouldn't denigrate either for a second. But dildos can add a zillion new possibilities to your sexual repertoire. You can use them for as long or as short a time as you want, in a multitude of positions, leaving your hands and/or penises free to either take a break or roam about looking for more trouble. And given the astonishing (even to us) variety of dildos on the market, the chances are excellent that you can find a dildo--or dildos--that's just about exactly perfectly right for your own particular horny needs.

As much fun as they are, though, dildos can be a bit difficult to shop for. Especially--we'll be up front about it--from a mail-order catalog, where you can't hold the damn things in your hand and see just how big and heavy the eight-inch tool you've been dreaming about really is. So in the spirit of Public Informativeness and Good Sportsmanship and The People's Right to Know and all that, we humbly offer you this, the Blowfish guide to choosing dildos.

First, how are you going to be using your dildo, and what exactly are you going to be using it for?

Yes, we know this seems like a silly question. Unless you have very imaginative ideas about home decoration or performance art, what you're going to be using it for is sticking into one or more of your bodily orifices for the purposes of sexual gratification. Like, duh. But an answer to "What are you going to be using it for?" that's more specific than "Fucking" can make all the difference in selecting the right dildo or dildos for your own personal needs and desires.

For instance. If you're planning on strapping it on with a harness (as opposed to just holding it in your hand), you'll need something with a flanged base to hold it in place. You may also want a little more length than you would otherwise, as some of the dildo's length tends to disappear under the harness-wearer's belly. But do be careful about getting one that's too long; if you like to do full, deep thrusting with total body contact, an overly long dildo may make that difficult or impossible. And if you're going to be strapping a dick on to get it sucked, you may want a short one rather than a long one; a shorter dildo can fill someone's mouth up without gagging them, and after all, the dildo doesn't care if it's getting deep-throated. (More on the all-important subject of size in a bit.)

If you're going to be strapping it on and using it for buttfucking rather than vaginal fucking, again you may want a little extra length; the curve of the ass can make the asshole a little harder for a strap-on to reach than the vagina, and a shorter dildo may tend to slip out. If it's a guy on the receiving end of the buttfucking, you might consider getting a dildo with a curve to it, to better reach his prostate. (Curvature is also good for vaginal sex with women who like G-spot stimulation.) And of course, whether or not you're using a harness, any dildo that you're using for butt sex should have a flanged base to keep it from getting lost inside the rectum.

Then we have size.

One of the most common mistakes people make in dildo-buying is the "eyes are bigger than the orifice" phenomenon. There's a common tendency to go for the biggest dildo you can get your hands on, and as a result, people often wind up with dildos that are rather larger than they need, want, or can handle. It's quite understandable, really; anybody who's ever read any porn at all has almost certainly been inundated with turgid descriptions of eight-, nine-, or twelve-inch huge throbbing tools. It's easy to get fooled into thinking that a bigger dick is a sexier dick, and it's easy to lose sight of just how big eight inches really is. (The answer: Big. Eight inches is really quite strikingly big. Even here at Blowfish, we were rather startled when we first saw the Johnny, a huge throbbing tool if we ever saw one, and realized that it's "only" seven and a half inches long.) So folks often wind up with dildos that are a fun size to fantasize about, but too big to feel very good inside their actual bodies.

Even if you do have a genuine size fetish, you may want to consider whether it's length or width that you crave. Again, how exactly you're going to be using your dildo comes into play here. Some men who use dildos for anal sex (just to give one example) want a very long dildo to trigger their prostate with a firm hand and no questions asked; but they don't want their very-long dildo to be so thick that it stretches their butt uncomfortably. Similarly, some women like a very thick dildo for a feeling of intense fullness inside their vagina, but find that a too-long dildo can painfully bump against their cervix. Just remember: cheap porn novels notwithstanding, there's no rule anywhere saying that an eight-inch-long dildo has to be two inches thick, or vice versa.

Next, we consider the question of shape and color.

Do you want a dildo that looks like a penis, or one that looks like a tentacle, or one that looks like the diseased imaginings of Jackson Pollock, or what? Do you want it curved or straight, and if curved, how curved--a gentle bend or a serious U-turn? Do you want grooves and undulations along the length, or do you want a simple smooth shaft? If you want a realistic one, how realistic do you want it? Do you want veins and ridges and folds and stuff, or do you want just the faintest suggestion of a head?

Naturally, this does once again bring up the question of how you're going to be using the thing. If you want to pretend that your dildo is a dick, then you probably want a fairly realistic one in some sort of vaguely human flesh tone. (If so, we recommend vanilla, chocolate, cinnamon, or black from most of our vendors.) If that sort of fantasy play doesn't float your particular boat, then arty abstract shapes and un-fleshy decorator colors may interest you more. Some companies provide an astonishing panoply of non-human colors, including glitters, stunningly gorgeous two-tone swirls and beautiful metallics. And of course, your own personal anatomy, whether the orifice in question is short or long, narrow or wide, hyper-sensitive or rough and ready, is going to affect what shape dildo you get. If you sometimes have discomfort when you're first being penetrated, you might get a dildo with a narrow, tapering tip, whereas if you like a strong, forceful feeling at the moment of entry, you might look for one with a rounder, blunter end. If you and your orifice like a lot of intense hyper-stimulation during fucking, then look for curves and ridges and undulations and stuff; if you're more sensitive or easily bruised or overloaded and just want a feeling of fullness, then look for a basic smooth, straight shaft. Etc., etc., etc.

But figuring out what size and shape you want in your dildo isn't always easy. Just looking at a ruler or a drawing or even a good photo often doesn't cut it; a two-dimensional surface doesn't give a good sense of heft and weight in three dimensions. So here's what we suggest. Go to the supermarket and head straight for the produce section. Spend a good long time looking over the cucumbers, zucchinis, carrots, bananas, squash, and other vaguely phallic fruits and vegetables, until you find a few that might be the size and shape you're looking for. Buy them, take them home, wash them thoroughly, fondle them extensively, play with them a bit if you like (we suggest using condoms if you do--pesticides are almost as icky as sexually transmitted diseases), and if one of them is what you're looking for, measure it carefully. A couple of bucks at the supermarket can save you a lot of money and disappointment at the sex toy emporium.

What is this perfectly sized, shaped, and colored dildo going to be made of?

Dildos can be made from a zillion different materials: soft ones and hard ones, smooth ones and ridgy ones, cheap ones and expensive ones. And surprise of surprises, what material you want your dildo made of is going to depend on--yes, you guessed it, give the lady a cigar--how you want to use your dildo.

For example. If you're going to be using your dildo for hours of rough, wild, rabid-weasel slam-fucking, you probably want a softer, more resilient material that has some flexibility and some give, such as silicone, one of the "real-feel" materials, or that weird, cool, squishy sex-toy jelly stuff. (Silicone, by the way, has its reputation as the super-best dildo material in the universe for a reason; it's very smooth and non-sticky, it's firm and solid but has a fair amount of squishiness and give, it picks up body heat very quickly, and it can be made into an astonishing variety of colors and shapes. Rah, rah, rah! Go, silicone! These days you don't even have to choose between silicone and real-feel materials -- the new Vixskin dildos (we've given all the realistic looking ones the word "boi" in their name to help you find them) are by far the most realistic-feeling dildos yet, and they're made (via a special process) out of 100% pure silicone!) A dildo made of a completely hard, unresilient material such as metal, acrylic, glass or even wood is probably better for slower, more sensual, more controlled play, maybe with the dildo held in your hand rather than strapped into a harness.

The sensitivity of the orifice in question is a factor here, too. Vaginas tend to be tougher and more resilient than assholes, and while we wouldn't hesitate to recommend a metal or acrylic dildo for vaginal play for just about anyone (well, just about anyone with a vagina), we would advise using a softer buttfucking dildo unless you're pretty experienced with butt play and pretty well acquainted with the needs and limitations of your asshole. You should also consider what kind of lube you like to use; silicone-based lubes can do nasty things to some silicone dildos, and oil-based lubes will eat through latex and rubber in about six seconds flat, so if you're very attached to a particular type of lube, make sure the dildo you get is compatible with it (see our lube interactions page for more info). And your fantasy life makes a huge difference as well. If you want to think of your dildo as your dick, then a softer, fleshier material is best; metal and acrylic are much better for playing Kidnapped By The Borg.

And frankly, as much as we would love to sell everyone in the world a fifty-dollar silicone or acrylic dildo (or indeed, several of each), we'd hate to have anyone spend that kind of money on a sex toy that isn't going to turn out right for them. If you're on a budget, or if you've never used dildos before and aren't quite sure how you feel about them or even whether you want one at all, you might consider a material that's...well, that's cheaper, to be blunt about it. That jelly stuff is not bad at all -- we personally know people who actively prefer it to silicone and other high-end materials -- and it's very reasonably priced. Do note however, that we have found that sex-toy jelly tends to lose its translucence over time. This doesn't affect the feel of the toy, just the appearance, but we thought you should know. They also tend to get a bit sticky just sitting there between uses, so we suggest that you wash them before each use. You should also be aware that some jelly toys also have a chemical/plastic smell that is particularly strong when they are first opened, and never completely goes away. For some people this doesn't matter, but those sensitive to this sort of odor might want to avoid these toys.

But what if I want to do all these things? we hear you cry. What if I want to do cocksucking and buttfucking and cuntfucking, fast and slow, rough and smooth, all of it, maybe even all in the same night? Well, if you want to use dildos in more than one way, you might consider getting more than one dildo. You might, for instance, get a long slender one for buttfucking and a short fat one for cuntfucking. Or you might get an abstract undulated one for pure sensation, and a realistic one for fantasy role-playing. Or you might get a hard, smooth one made of acrylic or metal for slow, sensual play, and a softer, more flexible one made of silicone or rubber or jelly for fast, rough slam-fucking that a hard dildo wouldn't really be appropriate for. You might get a fancy, more expensive one to keep in your bedside drawer, and a cheaper one that you wouldn't mind getting lost or damaged to stick in your glove compartment for road trips. You might get one for you and another one for your partner...and another one for your other partner, and yet another one for your other other partner. (A quick word on that topic: If you're going to be sharing dildos, or using them for both anal and other kinds of play, we very strongly suggest that you either use condoms on them or clean and disinfect them thoroughly between uses [also see the links to caring for your toys at the bottom of the Buying Guides index].) The versatility of dildos is definitely one of their greatest joys, and having a drawer full of the things, one for every occasion, can increase that versatility by several quantum levels--as many of us Blowfishies can attest to.

But a whole drawerful of dildos, while it's certainly nice, isn't really necessary. One or two or three is probably plenty, especially if they're carefully chosen to be exactly what you want. And the time spent deciding exactly which dildo you want is well worth it. It can save you money and disappointment, and it can be an entertaining exercise in and of itself. Setting aside some time to contemplate exactly what kind of sex you want to have is, we think, always a worthwhile endeavor--even if you never buy a dildo at all.

• Realistic Silicone Dildos
• Semirealistic Silicone Dildos
• Nonrealistic Silicone Dildos
• Double Ended Silicone Dildos
• Special Feature Silicone Dildos
• Symbolic Silicone Dildos
• Glass Dildos
• Acrylic Dildos
• Real-Feel Materials, Jelly, Metal, and Other Dildos