Anal Pleasure and Health

Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Sex

Buddy

Beautiful Beginner Silicone Anal Beads

Fishhook Stainless Steel Butt-Plug

(a) Myth: Women don't like it.

Horsepucky. We personally know several women who like it, a lot.

There are plenty of women who don't, of course, and that's fine too. But it never fails to amaze me when I encounter a hip, with-it, entirely sex-positive woman who unequivocally states that no woman in the entire world likes anal sex, and that if a woman does it, it's only because a man wanted it / forced her into it / paid her for it.

With all due respect, that's nonsense, although overgeneralizing from one's own sexual proclivities to the entire world is a common form of nonsense. Anal sex can be extremely pleasurable for women, especially if it's approached as a fun experience rather than as a duty or The Last Great Taboo.

(b) Myth: If a man likes it, it means he's gay.

What can we say? If you're gay, you're gay, if you're not, you're not, and enjoying something up the butt doesn't change that. Prostates were not invented by gay men in the aftermath of the Stonewall riots. The fact that a man likes stimulation in the anus has no bearing on what particular set of chromosomes he finds appealing in a partner. After all, gay men like to have their cocks sucked, too, but no one seems to think that if you like receiving fellatio, you're a closet case.

Now, if you do happen to be gay (hi, guys!), we're here for you, too.

So, relax and enjoy yourself.

(c) Myth: It always hurts.

Nope. Of course, anything done incorrectly or quickly or to prove a point definitely has the potential to hurt. So, if it hurts and you don't like that, don't do it that way... but please don't think that anal sex is inherently painful. It's not. If you follow a few basic guidelines (relax, use tons of lube, start small, build up slowly, don't be goal-oriented, talk to each other, and stop if it starts to hurt), you'll greatly increase your chances of having a good, fun, not-at-all-painful time.

Our first recommendation has traditionally been Tristan Taormino's wonderful book, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women: 2nd Edition. Even if you are of the male persuasion, this book is still a fine guide for getting into anal play; the info is excellent and accurate, and it's written in a chatty, readable, very accessible style. But as much as we love The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, there's a more recent book out that's giving it a run for its money. The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men is an excellent guide for people of any gender, and our book buyer found it more thorough and comprehensive than the Guide for Women. But the Guide for Women is still very much recommended; it deals more directly with women's concerns (especially myths and emotional issues) and might be more reassuring for nervous female novices. If you're in doubt, get both!

We are also very fond of Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin, PhD. It was the first how-to-buttfuck book to come out in the modern era, and it's since been updated to keep up with the times. It's a bit less chatty than the Ultimate Guides, somewhat more extensive with medical and health information, and a bit more aimed at men than at women, although it is a fine resource for both.

If you prefer your information in video format, there's a good video guide from the intelligent, charming, and vastly experienced Tristan Taormino. Her video sex guides are among the best we've seen, and her Expert Guide to Anal Sex is no exception. The information and techniques she discusses are explicitly demonstrated, which can make them easier to learn (and certainly makes them more entertaining!).

What kind of toys to use? If you're just starting out with anal play, smaller is almost always better. If you have a good time with a little toy and decide you want more, more, more, you can always upgrade -- if all else fails, you can always add another finger.

We recommend that you start with either the Buddy or the Little Flirt. They are unthreateningly-sized, have cute and functional shapes, and are very well made. Neither is very expensive, either. You might also try the Pandora Silicone Prostate Vibrator if you would like a slender butt-plug that also vibrates (made especially for men, but women can enjoy it too!). And if a butt-plug that stays in during sex (or dancing or gardening, etc.) is your goal, we have found none better than the Fishhook Stainless Steel Butt-Plug when it comes to staying put. If you'd prefer the comfort of silicone, we also highly recommend the excellently designed Ace Silicone Butt-Plug; the long neck and apple-core base helps it stay put very well!

If butt-plugs per se don't interest you so much, there is another intro-level butt-toy that you might consider. The Beautiful Beginner Silicone Anal Beads consist of a flexible shaft of small bloops graduating in size from a dainty one at the tip to a intermediate one at the base, and has been specifically and lovingly designed for butt-sex beginners who want to build themselves up from taking a little to taking more. We sell several other bloopy butt toys; if you want a vibrating option you can try the Elements Pi Silicone Anal Beads.

And then what kind of lube to use? We personally like Maximus, although nearly any of the lubes we sell will do just fine. Lube preferences can be a very personal, very unpredictable thing, and one person's Lube of Champions may be another person's "yeah, whatever." In general, we recommend thicker, more gelatinous lubes for anal play, as they stay in place somewhat better than thinner, more watery lubes. (That's why we like Maximus so much -- it's specifically designed for anal sex, and in addition to being long-lasting, non-sticky, and latex-safe, it has a lovely, thick, gelatinous texture that keeps it in place quite nicely.) But as long as your lube is safe and compatible with you and any partners and/or sex toys you might have, you can use pretty much any lube that strikes your fancy. See our guide to lube interactions if you're not sure about compatibility.

There's just a couple of exceptions to this rule. First, you have to be absolutely sure not to use any sort of oil-based lube with latex condoms. In general, we don't care much for oil-based lubes in any circumstances, since they're hard as hell to clean up afterwards. But some anal sex fans like the slickness and staying power of oil-based lubes, and oil is certainly more compatible with the butt than it is with the pussy (where any oil-based lube is virtually impossible to clean up and is absolutely not okay). If you do use an oil-based lube for your anal ventures, do be aware that oil will disintegrate latex quickly and dramatically -- be sure your condoms are non-latex and safe to use with oil-based products. (Alas, the new formula of the Avanti Bare Condoms means they are no longer safe to use with oil-based lube. Sadness!)

Second, if you select a silicone-based lube like Wet Platinum Premium Lubricant or Eros Bodyglide, we suggest that you not use them with silicone toys. There's some evidence that they do not interact well -- the silicone lubes may damage some silicone sex toys.

Another excellent idea is to put a condom on the toy to keep it clean and away from the lube. Again, note that you shouldn't use an oil-based lube with a latex condom if you take this approach; oil-based lubes can destroy latex so fast it will make your, uh, head swim. Lastly, what about cleanliness? For your enema needs, we sell the Shower Buddy Enema Kit, the Anal Douche and the Clyster Enema Syringe; all are good for either douching or enemas. You don't need to take an enema before or after anal sex, but some people like to. And that should get you started. We have lots of anal play toys as your interests grow, we've collected all of our anal-oriented products on our Butt Sex Products page.

After we originally published this guide in our weekly email mailing list, we received this perceptive comment:

"Interesting stuff...but no mention was made of the most personal way to enjoy anal sex....using your finger! Many of us women who enjoy anal sex occasionally find this the most comfortable, least threatening, ultimately intimate form of sexual sharing. The requisite finger cots and lube make this clean, safe and quite pleasant for both. Thought you might want to share this with your readers...sometimes the best 'toys' are the ones attached to our bodies!"